Have been in a vortex of high school memories the past few days, brought upon by the time of year, graduations, summer coming, and a run-in with an old friend from high school that I have not seen in 18 years. Could not have scripted it better, was at the airport, he recognized me and I pulled his name to match the face out of the recesses of my memory without hesitation. Was impressed as hell with myself for this feat. We chatted while I shoved seaweed salad in my mouth, exchanged cards and promises to get together, and I really meant it. This was a guy who was one of the NICEST dudes I have ever known, and as smart as hell, everyone liked him and he just rolled along getting great grades, being class president or whatever and being just nice! Loved that guy. Apparently he is out of the closet, has a nice man in his life and a kid, and I just left the whole encounter feeling better about the world. Then the memories started flooding in, which leads only to one thing, the yearbooks. God damn it, I don't know why I even have those things around and accessible, I fucking hated high school (who doesn't?), but alas, I cracked them open and what did I find immediately??? A photo of my New-Old friend conducting the band wear a TUTU. Um hello??? Clearly, he was the only one who knew he was gay, and god I love him more for being so composed through his teens. Good parenting...
Last night I sent him and email and made reference to a very Hot Guy from our high school that I was always madly attracted to and he to me as well, but because he was also Nice Hot Guy and perhaps a bit lacking in the wit department, I shined him on and dated assholes and emotional vagrants exclusively. (My crush on Hot Guy has surfaced throughout the years, and I like to imagine that he is all snuggled up with me, just like when we used to sit together close and warm on the bus home from soccer games. So yummy.) My New-Old friend wrote back and made a hysterical quip about how he would have loved to run into him too, heehee, and then we made some plans to meet up.
Here's where things took a desperate turn for the worse. I told my mother about the run-in and the quip about the Hot Guy and she goes, "New-Old Friend's Parents are my clients!" Uh-oh. Realtor Mom kicks in and my stomach starts to turn. However, we were having a lively, girly conversation, I let my guard down and admitted to her that I wondered if Hot Guy still lived back home or if his family was still there. THIS WOULD BE TOTALLY NORMAL IF REALTOR-MOM WAS NORMAL. But noooooooo. She offered to find out if Hot Guy still lived back home, and I protested heartily, but did break down enough to allow an anonymous phone call to Hot Guy's father's office to see if the father is still in town. THAT WAS ALL VERY EXPLICIT IN THE INSTRUCTIONS DEPARTMENT. Later on, while at home after work, my dad's phone rings (yes, I live at my dad's, that is another story...) and he gives me the look and mouths, "It's your mother." Ugh, she is tracking me down, this cannot be good. He brings me the phone and I get on and she proceeds to say, "I have news!" I am slack-jawed, "huh?"
"So I looked up the father's office and it is still there and then I looked up his phone number and then I called it and left a message."
(I am 15 years old again and in a raging, irrational sweat.) "WHAT??? YOU DID WHAT?? Mom, what the fuck?"
"Don't worry, Madeline. I have a plan."
"WHAT?? Mom?! What the fuck?!"
"Madeline, you need to calm down. I left a message with my name and number and told him to call me and when he calls me back I am going to say you were looking for Hot Guy and what is his number and then you can call him and reconnect!"
Basically, I cannot go into the pathology of my mother's social ineptitude to actually enumerate just how many fucking things are wrong with this plan of hers. I want to DIE, and then I want to be sad because I realize just how selfish my mom truly is. Her phone call had absolutely nothing to do with me, and I am trying to let it go that she just does not listen to ME. Sad.
Anyhoo, got off the phone, grumbled a lot to my dad, he concurred that she is indeed crazy, I ate my Chinese food, and then sat down with my prize fortune cookie.
I shit you not when I tell you that this is what it said:
"Friends long absent are coming back to you."
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